I want to die, but I can't do it.?

I am so ashamed of my whole life. I have nothing to be proud of, accept for my children and wife. The thing is that I am addicted to cam shows, , and all other things obscene. When I am done looking I feal the pain and guilt come. I just am tired of doing this behind my wifes back. I have tried to stop, I have prayed, I have been apart of groups. Nohing is helping me. I can't help my self. I have even cheated on her once with my ex, and now it haunts me every day. I just want to die so bad. I have thought of telling my wife about all my wrongdoing, but that would cause her so much pain, pain she dose not deserve, and in return I would cause pain to my kids as well. If I kill myself it would do the same thing, but they could get over it, and never know why I did it. I hate what I have become. I am this monster that fears the worst. I pray this sickness will leave me. Please God send me some help. I am such a failure at this great game called life.....